i was sad. down. not special sad, but the bummed that makes you think of every minute thing that is going wrong and depletes you. the desperate sad we all feel when every door seems to be closing in front of us, and we know it's because we're SUPPOSED to be doing SOME THING ELSE, but lord knows what that is.
and as i rode away from the work meeting feeling all fallen and under utilized once again, all i wanted to do was go home. and cook something. something that would make me feel better. that would taste excellent. and seem fancy. and affirm that yes, i am good and food is good and i make good food.
but i didn't. i sat on my porch with a beer and a cheap gross cigarette and hated my roommates for being messy assholes and filling my kitchen with their dirty dishes and food scraps and garbage. or i should say my boyfriends roommates. because in the past 6 months my life has gone completely crazy and the things that used to let me know that i was good and life was good and all would work out to its highest good were gone when i lost my job and lost my apartment and lost the future i thought was so certainly good.
i started this blog instead. maybe it can be that good.
